


Their Subtle Wishes

by hiddenclawsof



Series: #hyunlixcloud [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bang Chan & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Confused Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Felix is scared, Gentle Kissing, Hurt Felix, Hwang Hyunjin & Lee Minho | Lee Know are Best Friends, Hwang Hyunjin is Whipped, Idol AU, Kissing in the Rain, Lee Felix is Bad at Feelings (Stray Kids), Lee Felix is Whipped (Stray Kids), M/M, Minho Ships It, Mutual Pining, Self-Doubt, canon compliance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:48:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26696275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddenclawsof/pseuds/hiddenclawsof
Summary: “Listen Felix,” Hyunjin’s voice gradually lowered down as his face got nearer to Felix’s ears, “Just say it, I’ll be yours but if you don’t want to, let this be the last night I’ll come to your room and ask you this.”orIt was the time for them to thank anyone that not all of their wishes were granted.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Series: #hyunlixcloud [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1942687
Comments: 7
Kudos: 116





	Their Subtle Wishes

**Author's Note:**

> i am always in my hyunlix cloud esp now that i watched hyunjin called felix baby

Felix had started to look at Hyunjin in a different pair of eyes when the once brunette turned blonde. Felix had started to feel things different than a best friend for Hyunjin when the latter seem to care for him in such ways that are indescribable, incomprehensible-- in so  _ many  _ ways that Felix couldn’t point and pin to. Felix had started to turn his head to the direction of the voice that he recognized so well when Hyunjin’s breath seemed to caress his nape and run shivers down his lower back.

Though everything that Felix felt started because of Hyunjin, Felix made himself believe that he’s the only one feeling things. He’s the only one who’s falling,  _ madly,  _ and  _ deeply. _

Felix’s eyes travelled from their leader staring at his soul directly as if warning him about the face that he’s making while thinking about what he  _ will  _ do once they go back to their dorms, to the said man of his interest, living rent-free inside his head.

Chan smiled weakly and reached out his hand to ruffle Felix's bangs that stopped his eyes from watching further the actions of the sleeping blonde man, “You should sleep  _ too _ ,” Chan whispered to his side and pulled Felix's head to rest on his shoulders.

Felix sometimes wants to run away and envelop himself devoid of  _ everything _ \-- sounds, lights, whispers, people, and his heartbeats that shouts only for a single name. Felix sometimes wants to hide away from his leader’s eyes that know  _ too  _ much and lull himself to sleep, wrenching both of his eyes from the tears that forms every time his leader looks at him with those eyes.

If only someone knew how much Felix wanted to _ stop _ this and finally be able to sleep without asking himself countless questions of why.

Felix bit his lip and returned his gaze back to Chan that still has this smile plastered on his lips. It sucks,  _ really _ , to have a Chan. To have a chan that only needs a simple look from Felix to know what is running inside his mind.

It sucks.

“I’m tired hyung,” Felix voiced out before gaining himself a hard pillow to reside his head to and another pair of eyes that stared intently with clear understanding of what was happening.

Felix was awoken by Chan and looked around to see their van stopping in the basement parking of their dorm building. Clutching his phone inside his right hand and muttering a small thanks to Chan, Felix shrugged off the feelings that pooled inside his chest and let himself be pulled by Chan who’s standing tall outside of their van, waiting for Felix to move.

And unknown to them was Hyunjin's eyes, staring directly at their hands that were clasped together and the faint smile that Chan offered to Felix. He knew for sure that Chan only sees Felix as his little brother, someone that he cherishes and protects from any kind of negativity mankind has to offer.

But sometimes, he also  _ wishes  _ to be someone who holds Felix inside his hands, carries his burdens and shields him against any harm. He wishes  _ so  _ much that not all of his wishes were successfully granted.

Hyunjin removed his ponytail and pulled his jacket closer to his body before looking over at the lobby that awaits their presence. His foot started to move, closer to the illuminated area, but stopped when he heard a voice that made him curl his limbs, “You should talk to him Jin,” said by another hyung that Hyunjin feels safe with.

“ _ Who  _ exactly, Minho-hyung?” Hyunjin mumbled and continued walking.

Minho rolled his eyes before tackling Hyunjin’s waist and pulled him closer, struggling to keep up with the pace the taller was doing, “You clearly know  _ who _ , stop lying to yourself.”

Just like Felix, Hyunjin, too, wanted to run away. Because even if he wanted to close his eyes and stop watching Felix’s eyes lingering on his, he just couldn't. Even if he wanted to shut everything off and stop himself from listening, he just couldn't. How can a low decibel voice reach to his small ear still makes him question his life-- his mere existence.

He wanted to run away. But not by himself, he wanted to  _ run away _ with Felix beside him, with him and in him.

Felix let his back arch over the pillow that he pushed to his pelvic bone. He stared through the railings of the wooden bunk bed, hoping for Chan’s mattress to magically turn into something interesting and something that will make him forget, just a little bit.

He heard feet shuffling ahead of him and finally, a head poke down and looked over the bare faced younger with his brows furrowed and silver hair brushed back to his occipital, revealing his temporal bones and forehead, clear and free.

“Felix,” Chan started and sooner, he felt his head ache due to the rush of blood, pulled by the gravity to his upside down head. Instead, he spoke with a louder voice than before, making sure that Felix would hear him while he rested his head with his arm underneath and his phone on his other hand.

“Yes,” Felix spoke with his deep voice and fluent english.

With that, Chan knew that Felix was frustrated. Too tired to move and too tired to think of the subject verb agreements of a foreign language to Felix’s tongue.

“You can’t always run from  _ him _ , you know,” the words from his leader’s mouth felt like a knife, touching, dampening every part of his skin, most specifically his chest, carefully and slowly turning his poker face to that of a sour one.

“I am  _ not  _ running, Chan.”

“Then what are you doing?” Chan conversed using their primary language because he knew that there would be no way that Felix would converse with him using korean without stuttering and staggering words trying so hard to express himself.

“I’m scared--” Felix gripped on the pillow cases, trying to release his frustration on a poor fabric, “I’m so scared. I don't want to lose you,  _ this _ ,  _ him _ .”

Chan found that Felix liked both sexes when they were trainees. It was no big deal, to be honest, it was a common thing in their generation and most especially from where they came from. After all, who is he to judge Felix when all Felix ever does is emit sunshine and light to people that lose their way in the darkness? Felix was everything and he loves him platonically, it’s not even funny. Chan found that Felix has a huge interest over Hyunjin when the younger’s eyes travel slowly to the taller’s body whenever he’s dancing. At first, it was okay, really, who wouldn’t like hyunjin with his  _ sweaty  _ neck and arms in addition to his body  _ waves _ ?

But what Chan didn't know was that the interest grew into something uncontrollable. Something that he expected to happen but still surprised him when Felix bluntly confirmed it to him.

“No one’s leaving, Lix.  _ No one. _ ”

Felix didn't know that. “You’re Felix, you’re Yongbok, you’re you, even if you like Hyunjin. Stop doing this to yourself.” Felix felt his eyes well up with tears that slowly dragged his cheek further to the soft pillow, struggling by himself inhaling up air.

This was  _ not  _ the suffering that he imagined.

The same time that his wail rang out loud in the room, the rain poured down, submerging his voice to the very own sound of nature.

Hyunjin carefully gripped on the doorknob of Felix and Chan’s room. Listening to the rain that served as a white noise to the depressing dark sky and street lights, Hyunjin had been bothered with what Minho told him and he kind of, cruelly, cursed his hyung inside his head multiple times already.

Most of the members are already asleep or scrolling through their phones. After all, it was already nearing midnight when their schedules ended and finally got their feet shuffling to the ground of their dorm.

Though Hyunjin desperately wanted to sleep, he just couldn't. Not when Felix's face lingered over his mind, making him question his whole identity, sanity,  _ sexuality--  _ oh wait, he already got the answer to that. And if Minho just shut his mouth up earlier, then maybe, at least a blink could be some sort of a reward to him, not a mere punishment.

Minutes passed and Hyunjin was still staring at the plank of wood, silently wishing for this to slap him and wake him up from the madness of getting his tongue tied up. Until he felt the knob turned, revealing a Chan with an evident shock on his face who softly smiled at his presence and ruffled his hair despite being centimeters taller than him.

“I don't know what to do with the two of you,  _ really _ ,” Chan sulked and left Hyunjin standing still in front of their room, still awed with what he just heard from their leader.

To some, it may be such a nonsense babbling but to Hyunjin, it was everything that he needed to muster up the courage and open the door to the room, looking over the silver haired petite man, illuminated by the moonlight looking exactly like a lofi animation.

Hyunjin inwardly smiled and tiptoed to Felix's bed and looked over the head that pushed himself further to the mattress. The smile grew and widened and when he heard a sniffle coming from the younger, the smile turned upside down and his heart began to race.

“Lix,” Hyunjin reached his hand out to touch the younger’s shoulder.

Felix’s world stopped. It probably wasn’t possible for the world to stop moving and the time to stop running, but to Felix and for Felix, it stopped. With  _ only  _ Hyunjin's voice ringing round and round his ears and head. 

He stopped himself from turning to the hand that reached out to him. He stopped himself to pull the wrist and wrap his arms around that thin yet built body. He stopped everything there is to stop, he  _ wishes  _ that he could stop his feelings too.

“ _ Idiot _ , look at me,” Hyunjin grumbled with a chuckle and pulled Felix's shoulder, turning him to finally look at his face.

Felix’s eyes were bloodshot, cheeks were rosy and his lips were red too. Was it from biting? Or did it magically turn itself to something plump right when Hyunjin’s eyes travelled there? No one knows. Felix was shaking under Hyunjin’s touch and the way Hyunjin’s back aches told him to pull Felix to his feet and drag him towards the wet balcony connected to the room.

Hyunjin didn't pay any mind to his branded clothes getting washed over with acid rain which he’d probably regret later. Although their feets struggled to keep flat on the floor with the sudden introduction of cold water, Hyunjin kept Felix's body in place, letting the rain drench them which again, they’ll probably regret later with the amount of scoldings they’ll get from Chan.

“What are  _ you  _ doing?” Felix’s voice sounded tired, as if all he ever wanted to do was let his knees finally break from the tension and let himself be caught up inside Hyunjin’s warmth and arms which are all  _ exactly  _ what he wanted.

Instead of answering, Hyunjin just smiled sweetly at Felix, making the younger hitch his breath, struggling to keep his feet still as his hands found their way to rest on the taller’s shoulders. “Stop,  _ please _ ,” he begged the older.

“Should I?” Hyunjin asked carefully. His eyes were looking for something far more than Felix's eyes that expresses. His eyes were looking for any shame, any doubt, any guilt, anything that would finally make him stop from stepping across the line that they’ve  _ both  _ wanted to cross over a long time ago.

It was now Felix’s turn to look down. His once brushed back hair falling slowly to his face, sticking to his skin,  _ wishing  _ that he should be feeling cold right now rather than feeling hot.

“Felix, I am asking. Should I really  _ stop _ ?” 

They both waited and anticipated for an answer that they seemingly longed for. Hyunjin would stop if Felix wanted him to. Hyunjin would try to forget whatever it is that he’s feeling if Felix wanted him to. Hyunjin would do whatever Felix wanted him to. But as long as Felix didn’t tell him to  _ stop  _ and to  _ forget _ , he’d prefer not to do that. 

Not when Felix is within his reach, shivering and allowing himself to melt inside Hyunjin’s warmth. Not this time around.

“I--” Felix’s voice frailed, sounding to a tone that they both are not used to, “I don’t know.”

There are a lot of things that Felix didn't know and ironically, he knew that he didn't know them. But trust him, he  _ wishes  _ to know them. He  _ wishes _ .

“Listen Felix,” Hyunjin’s voice gradually lowered down as his face got nearer to Felix’s ears, “Just say it,  _ I’ll be yours  _ but if you don’t want to, let this be the last night I’ll come to your room and ask you this.”

Did Felix say that he loves Hyunjin? Not yet? Well now, listen to him. He hates him. He hates Hyunjin for asking Felix to choose. He hates Hyunjin for knowing what he was going to answer. He hates Hyunjin for staring down at his bobbing head, with his blonde hair covering both of their faces, dripping wet down to Felix's cheeks. He hates hyunjin for getting near to him, for touching him, for telling him things that he’d always wished to hear.

He hates Hyunjin because now, it only seems right to hate him because even if he loves him, none of  _ that _ was right.

Felix’s everything was what it took for him to look up at Hyunjin’s piercing gaze and finally speak, “Please,  _ stop _ . I can’t  _ lose  _ you.” 

Hyunjin’s shoulder slumped down as his hands pushed Felix’s cheeks against his palm, “You are not going to lose me Felix,” hyunjin doesn't know if the water around his eyes are from the rain or from his very own tears, “Please,  _ do not lose me _ .”

Felix knew that Hyunjin wasn't selfish. He was so generous and kind to everyone. What he had was something that he would willingly share with the members. His visuals? His center time? He would be able to share those if only his entertainment and science permits him to. Hyunjin was that selfless.

But seeing how Hyunjin asks him for this, Felix realized that Hyunjin was only selfish to him. It should’ve brought him good feelings about himself, but it rather not.

Hyunjin’s eyelids blinked so much that his eyes couldn't focus on Felix’s eyes. His chest was throbbing so bad and his hands on Felix's cheeks shook, letting the younger feel him.

“ _ Please _ , Lix-ah, tell me honestly,” it was now Hyunjin’s turn to speak with a breaking voice that broke Felix too, slowly and surely, “Do you want  _ me  _ to stop?”

Felix wanted what? Felix is not even sure of himself anymore. All his mind could ever think of was  _ Hyunjin. Hyunjin. Motherfucking Hyunjin. _ It was not okay. Felix was not feeling any better. Standing underneath the moonlight and the stars that look so much like his freckles while embracing the cold in autumn that the rain suddenly offered him were not helping at all.

Of all the things that were not right to begin with, Felix slowly resided in Hyunjin's hands and felt Hyunjin soften his stance, only Hyunjin was the right thing that happened to him.

_ “No. Don’t stop.” _

It was the only statement that Hyunjin wanted to hear from Felix before he pushed himself to the younger’s face, capturing the parted lips inside his warm ones. Biting a flesh here and there, with tongues shoved inside feeling a place that he was once dreaming of feeling.

He was glad that he didn’t wish for Minho to shut up because if Minho did, he probably wouldn't have the courage to finally kiss Felix and whispers countless of affection to him.

Chan and Minho on the other hand have their palms planted on their forehead. Silently cursing the two members making out in the rain with towels and change of clothes in their hands.


End file.
